“A Blue Christmas in the Shadow of the Manger”
"Joy to the world, the Lord is come, let earth receive her king . . . "
"Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la"
Over the next few days, many will struggle to find "joy" or "jolly." I'm thinking of dear friends who unexpectedly lost loved ones this year; a family shattered by a spouse's infidelity in a way in such a manner that never again will that family sit together for a Christmas meal; my peer in ministry battling crushing health issues; the man or maid alone on a holiday that seems to demand companionship; a wife who finally just had enough of her husband's meanness and walked away, for the first time ever she faces a fractured Christmas; an elder who has managed to outlive both peers and her children; those parents whose son will not make a Skype call from the Middle East this year, he died a few months back, the result of an Improvised explosive device; those few residents of a local nursing home, seemingly forgotten by their busy family. Others with melancholy temperament, or having a physical disorder thatresults in a chemical imbalance known as depression may be "blue" in what is supposed to be these brightest of seasons.
My objective is not to cheer you up, but to validate that what you feel is ok. Look to Matthew for your validation. The ancient village of Bethlehem was the site of the birth of Jesus Christ, the grandest event in human history. in the same season of time when wise men brought gifts to baby Jesus, Bethlehem was also the site of a despicable atrocity.
Carlton L. Coon, Sr.
16 Then Herod, . . . slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men. 17 Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremy the prophet, saying, 18 In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not. (Matthew 2:16-18)
Notice:
1. The joy at Bethlehem's stable did not eliminate or reduce the reality of "Rachel weeping for her children." Matthew allows those who suffered depressing loss to own their loss. There is no criticism from Jeremiah or Matthew for those who lamented, wept and mourned. It is fine for their to be some tears at your Christmas table. You have permission to feel what you are feeling! Don't apologize for it.
2. Christ's birth and the visit by the wise men; and Rachel's weeping for her children happened in close proximity. The lesson: sorrow and joy can co-exist. Loneliness and hope often use the same mailbox. Your sadness and depression should not define other people's experience, nor should you expect it too. Children will laugh and enjoy their new toys; the ugly sweater contest will happen, even if you don't participate; and MawMaw's turkey and dressing will be as wonderful as ever. So . . . don't pull your shroud of despair over everyone else.
Confession time: at times I struggle with Christmas. I'm not sure why, but perhaps my confession will help someone else feel secure and content in their own skin. There can be any of several reasons. My second most dominant personality trait is having a melancholy temperament. At times, I've fought the dark side of clinical depression. Also, I'm not particularly oriented to settings where I hear stories about "Aunt Lucille's thyroid gland is acting up again."
Solutions:1. If any of this describes you, it is fine to feel what you and I share. Be comfortable in not being the "life of the party." Be secure in your own skin.
2. Don't rain on other people's holiday tradition or enjoyment of the season. God has not called you to be Scrooge.
3. Be present and visible for lunch, dinner and opening those presents, but at some point you may decide to take your Kindle reader, escape to a back room and read a book. You could choose to get and read my book "Healthy Church, Start Here!" from Amazon.
4. If the darkness, despair and depression becomes overwhelming please call someone for help. The sadness of their season causes some to commit suicide. Please value yourself more than that. There are people who will listen to your despair and may be able to light your path through the dark of your Christmas.
Some seasons of life the best you can do is survive, there is likely no way to thrive. Live the day; live the season - laughter will resonate again. Wise people around you likely know your pain and are willing to validate it as I am doing. If it seems there are none who will do so - find an elder who has lived 7 or 8 decades. Elders tend to know the reality of disappointment and sorrow. An elder's hug and quiet conversation may well be exactly what you need this Christmas season.