Dealing With Loss

Dealing with loss

Loss is inevitable. I find the older I get the more frequent loss happens. By the time we are sage age, we have lost many people who are very much a part of our lives. Grandparents seemed to go first, then perhaps parents or a spouse and God forbid, we lose a child or grandchild. We may even suffer the loss of other things in life, such as the loss of a job or the changing of a ministry. Some even suffered the loss of good health. Others may lose the ability to do what they’ve always been able to do . No one seems to loose in the same manner as others, but lost becomes a part of our lives.

Mark Morris, Blog Author

As unique as our loosing is, so is our ability to heal from these losses. Each one of us heals differently from others who have had to deal with loss. A short time after tragically losing my son, I ask a friend whose son had been killed in the Vietnam war how long it took to get over this type of loss? His reply still rings true today, he replied, “I don’t know how long it takes. I’m not there yet.”

A therapist once told my wife and I when we ask her the question about how long does it take to heal from this type of loss, her answer was, “the deeper you love the longer it takes to heal.”

So when we consider how much we love someone, there are a few things we must consider when it comes to the healing from their loss. The first thing that we must consider is that no one has ever lived your story. People love to tell others how to heal. They love to use phrases like “just move on, forgive and forget,” and the strangest one to me is when people tell us “just not to think about our loss.”

You have to remember that you owe no one an explanation about how you heal or how long it is taking. You don’t owe an explanation about how you’re going through the processing of your emotions.

Often, we have to reset our boundaries to where we can feel safe, and we must remember that healing from loss is not a public performance.

During the healing process from a loss that shatters your life, you must remember that true self-respect will come when you honor your pace, even when no one else can understand it.

You’re healing doesn’t need to look pretty. It just needs to be yours.